Nizam of Nonsense

Now dont be a dimwit and ask why this match was not telecast. DD and Sony were at war over telecast rights of this all important match. 

Anyway India won the toss and requested Bermuda to field The reason being mainly philanthropic in nature. India wanted to give a lesson or two  to Bermuda as to how “NOT” to play like them. Indians demonstrated their class by tonking the ball to the Bermudan fielders… Such was the accuracy of shots that it upset Leverock’s weight loss program. The ‘Men in Blue’ were hammered Black and Boo.

Anyway the loss of the Indian cricket has brought a lot of joy and jubilations in various houses across the country Beneficiaries include Kaif, Laxman, Parthiv and Raina who have been receiving offers from television serial makers for their ability to shed crocodile tears.

The Post mortem:- In wake of the Indian loss the wise men of Indian cricket met to discuss the debacle. It was found through reliable sources that the Indian team had got mesmerized with the award-winning serial television series- LOST. So enchanted was the team with this drama that they decided to role-play the same in the world cup.

Sources also mentioned of a conversation that Coach Chappel had with various team members…..

Dravid:- Saurav was making faces at me in the field.

Chappel- Is it?? And what did you do??

Dravid : I complained to Sachin

Chappel- And what did Sachin do??

Dravid – He was signing up an endorsement so I went to Yuvi and then Dhoni.. but all were signing endorsements

Chappel: Ok Send Saurav to me( when saurav enters)

Saurav:- Ohh coach Chappel. Ki Khobor?? Amhi Shunechi you are on your way out.  Khub Bhalo. Tit for tat.

Chappel- I heard you were making faces at Dravid?

Saurav- Well…The whole country is doing it…..why r u just holding me responsible?

Chappel:- I will not tolerate this. You need to give me a full explanation for all this

Saurav:- Ok chillax yaar… Amhi explain Korchi. I was making faces cos I   was adjusting my lenses

Chappel:- Ohhhh Shuddup… Send that Sachin here.. he is going around town claiming I have a problem with his attitude it seems.

(Sachin enters and sulks in a corner)

Chappel:- Ok mate I wanted to apologise

Sachin:- What apologise… as it is my balls were on fire and you go and say that I have a bloody problem with my attitude…..

Chappel:- Well…. Fuck off mate….

Sachin:-Aaila gaali diya… Mummmmmmmmmmmmmmy

Chappel:- Yeah…thats  auzzie for Sorry

Meanwhile news trickled in that Sir Viv Richards wants to take some psychology classes for the Indian cricket team. He stated off the record that he could combine pleasure and work if he is in India. (Remember Neena Gupta… well she the pleasurable part who is lobbying hard for his selection)

He has already discovered two new exciting prospects for
India. According to him both have proven agility and athletic skills. Both hail from the jungles. One is famously known as Mowgli who has known to slay the Bengal Tiger. His experience could be put to use to get rid of another Bengal Tom-Cat. The other wild talent, Tarzan gets mesmerized by Janes of the City and opposition may exploit this vulnerability on the eve of the match.

Cricket and the share market- J & J stocks tumble After the BCCI meeting held on the 6^th of April. Johnson and Johnson stocks have taken a severe beating due to Greg Chappel’s statement. It may be remembered that Chappel has gone on record stating that “Any half-measures or cosmetic changes at this stage would be like putting Band-Aid on cancer”. Following this the BCCI has severed its contract with J & J on its supply of BAND AID.

In another move BCCI has acted tough and scrapped the contract system. It is also considering the option of outsourcing of batsmen from Bangladesh as it may prove to be a cheaper option.

 ZEE television has announced a parallel cricket league which may prove to be a direct threat to the existing cricket structure. Following this BCCI has started having talks with ZEE guys and reliable sources state that Sachin, Sehwag and Ganguly will participate as the Deewane, Parwane, and Mastane in the coming episodes of Antakshari.

During this interim period cricket lovers need not be disappointed. “Team India” will be seen in action during the month of April. The Itinerary for the month of April is as follows

India v/s Bloomingdale Primary school – 15^h April 2007

India v/s St Andrew’s High School – 22^nd April 2007

India v/s Nirmala Ladies College – 29^th April 2007

All three matches will be played at Mahalaxmi Race course.

p.s You can place your bets three days in advance with Sharad Pawar at the  Lok “Shobha”. Alternatively sms “FIX ___” to 2011